Please note that the article below is a work of fiction but every hurt that it causes is purely and completely intentional and not coincidental by any chance whatsoever.

Revenge of the Wheelie Cult

All proud wheelies of the world I call upon you to unite. We will unite and bring about a revolution. The world will be divided into the wheelies and leggies. The evil leggies will be defeated.

Just like the Jews after facing genocide and discrimination had to fight for a land of their own, the wheelies will fight for a country of their own. The Great Republic of Wheelistan.

1. Every wheelie will have a wheel tattooed on his arm.

2. The wheelies will have the latest in technology. There will be rocket propelled wheelchairs and amphibious and airborne wheelchairs. Fighter bombers, tanks, missiles all operable only by wheelies.

3. No steps, only ramps.

4. Buses, trains and planes, hotels, resorts and offices will have provision only for wheelchairs. No seats. However as a show of our understanding nature we will provide a little space for leggies to stand. Also as a generous show of respect we may at times call the leggies with a more respectable term like ‘walker’ or something they have adequately fought to be called as.

5. No discrimination at work. We may even give them leggies a 1% reservation in an office with a staff of 50. Calling a ‘wheelie’ a wheelie, will amount to racial discrimination.

6. Leggies wishing to visit our country would need a visa through a tedious procedure where in they will be tested for their knowledge of wheelie terminology, language and culture. They will have to perforce use wheelchair and undergo a test in wheelchair skills. They will be given strict instructions to respect wheelie culture when in Wheelistan.

7. If they show disrespect to wheelie culture and religion they will either be stoned to death or kept naked in cages and attacked by dogs with their pictures circulating on internet.

8. We will have our own most peace loving religion and we will beat the hell out of any one who says a single bad word about our culture, religion or country. (where judging ‘bad’ will be our prerogative.)

9. Blasphemy will be punishable by skinning a person alive. (remember, we will reserve the right to decide what is blasphemous and what is not)

10. Ofcourse ours will be the best culture and religion and we will look down upon every other culture/religion of poor little infidels/non-believers. We will be the chosen one of God or maybe Satan, who ever gives us a more lucrative future after death. Everlasting life(how boring and imagine having to be ‘good’ all the time), special place in heaven(and what would I do there?) or a rebirth(well, wouldn’t really want to be reborn as Pamella Anderson). I think there can be better offers. Let us come up with something good, after all three thousand years down the line the world is going to die fighting over it.

11. Do I need to say that we the most peace loving, would carpet bomb other countries and explode bombs in public places to kill innocent men, women and children. How else would we ensure peace.

12. Women will be our honour (‘honour’ means ‘property’) and we will kill for protecting our honour. They wouldn’t be allowed to marry outside wheelie community and if they do they will be killed along with the infidel/non-believer leggie who dared and they would be hung in public to set an example.

13. We will cover ourselves so much that we get obsessed with nudity and we will cover our women so much that even the word ‘woman’ would excite us.

            Now that the major guidelines have been laid down we can decide on the intricasies like whether to cross or fold arms or to bow. Whether to have beard or moustache or put something on the head or around the neck. Which animal to eat and which not to eat we can decide later.

Long live wheelistan!